Living Life After Trauma

My heart was racing, my thoughts whirling, and the bed sheets were soaked with sweat as I laid there crying uncontrollably.

It had been 3 months and two facial reconstructive surgeries since the incident and I still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that kept me up most nights.

Intellectually, I knew that I was safely nestled into the comfort of my own bed and no longer in danger, yet emotionally, the rollercoaster of uncertainty raced on.

My mind was often flooded with memories of the beeping sound of the cellular network continuously dropping the call as we raced down the windy, dark country road attempting to find service.

As I drifted in and out of consciousness in the passenger seat, I vaguely remember the feeling of temporary relief once I heard the words “911, what is your emergency?”

With the faint sound of sirens in the distance, I was now laying on the side of the road trembling incessantly from several trauma induced seizures.

Once the paramedics arrived on scene, it was quickly determined that I would have to be transported to hospital by helicopter and STARS air ambulance was dispatched.

Hours later, following the anti-convulsant injection, I awoke in the emergency department. Shortly thereafter, a skin graft was taken from my hip to act as a “biological bandaid” and hold my face together for the next few weeks.

Physically, the healing process had begun and was clearly delineated by the attending surgeon. The emotional trauma, however, was just beginning as I navigated my way through unchartered territory.

Although I already had a very comprehensive understanding of how the body stores and processes trauma, experiencing it first had was a different story.

For the past six years, after completing over 400hours of training, I had been offering trauma informed yoga classes in my community. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would become so intimately familiar with the application of the knowledge I had acquired.

Fortunately, this made the healing journey a little easier for me as I was able to recognize my body’s reactions to the trauma and further rationalize the experience.

However, this did not mean that I was able to control my emotions whenever I was triggered by a barking dog, the sound of sirens or a passing helicopter.